By Anthony Vecchiarello
Mike & Molly and Eagleheart
Last night on Conan, Melissa McCarthy and Billy Gardell from Mike & Molly, Chris Elliot from Adult Swim’s Eagleheart and musical artist Yuna all made appearances.
Conan O’Brien walked out while dancing to a loud crowd chanting his name like at an ethnic wedding. Conan immediately went serious saying “not everyone had a good day.” President Obama at a press conference admitted he is not a perfect President after the Healthcare fiasco. However, Conan added, Fox News still named Obama, ‘Employee of the Month.’
Toronto’s crack smoking Mayor Rob Ford was under fire after he was found snorting cocaine with prostitutes during St. Paddy’s Day. Conan explained screaming, “You drink beer on St. Paddy’s Day.” Ford motor company was shamed of the Mayor’s actions because he used a Ford vehicle during the escort service. Conan revealed that Ford motor is known for their moderately priced escorts and probes.
The President demoted one of his secret service agents after the agent sent sexual messages to a female coworker, Conan explained.
Conan described that Pope Francis is now the most talked about person on the internet. “He has the most viewed profile on ChristianMingle, but not on Jdate,” Conan stated.
New technological advances have been made to cars that prevent them from turning on if it suspects its driver of being drunk. Conan joked, “It shutdowns if you go to a White Castle drive-thru at 2 am.”
More news from Miley Cyrus, Conan continued saying Miley believes she is the biggest feminist. Conan finished the sentence with, “No one had done more to lick the glass ceiling.”
Andy Richter then made a comical joke referring to Miley’s twerking. “Those comedy classes are working,” Andy said. Conan was shocked that Andy never took a comedy class and laughed.
History was made, when a dog climbed Mount Everest for the first time. Conan added, “The dog’s walker wants a raise.”
A librarian discovered a copy of 50 Shades of Grey containing herpes. Conan replied, “We know what one person was using as a bookmark.” Then Conan and Andy discussed how Library’s make an odd practice of checking books for herpes.
Conan then warned the audience of his next joke. Conan began saying Tina Turner is going to formally relinquish her U.S. citizenship. When someone asked Turner if it was because of the government, she replied, “What’s gov got to do with it?”
Conan then had the Audience member theme songs where they choose a random person from the audience and sing a quick song about them. All the theme songs ranged from audience members with thick beards, owning porcelain unicorn figurines, Daniel-Day Lewis, difficult lyric lady and filthy tattoo man of Hitler blowing ALF.
Conan then continued his LinkedIn rant. At over 90,000 followers now, Conan strives to grow his LinkedIn Empire even further. Out reaching owner of Panera Bread and between Charlene Yi and Trish Regan, Conan smirked in delight. Conan’s profile now contains a photo of him dressed like a German serial killer with President’s Bill Clinton, George H.W Bush, and Theodore Roosevelt. They are all standing in the palm of Pope Francis and existing inside a snow globe on the desk of Oprah. Conan then asked owner of Virgin, Richard Branson with over 2 million followers on LinkedIn if he should become the new leader of LinkedIn. In a short clip Richard replied, “Absolutely not Conan.” Conan then asked him again as they redubbed Richard’s “not’s” with “yes.” Follow Conan’s LinkedIn profile at TeamCoco.com/LinkedIn. “Let’s waste America’s time shall we!” Conan yelled.
Melissa McCarthy and Billy Gardell from Mike & Molly walked out together dressed up looking as good as their television couple roles. Conan was appreciative that they dressed up since everyone else who visits Conan wear jeans, t-shirts, goatees and silly winter hats. Mike & Molly is also filmed in the same lot as Conan. Billy then talked about his 56’ Chevy that he bought after episode 6 of Mike & Molly. Though it is cool, it’s extremely loud and constantly sets off alarms in parking lots. Billy’s wife only allows him to ride it to work and to pick up the kids at school. Then Melissa brought up how fans always ask her questions about Mike & Molly but also from the feces sink scene in Bridesmaids. One time a person asked Melissa if she actually took a crap in the sink. Instead of just saying “no” she went on to explain how it was all fake. “Barbra Walters now can’t ask you that question,” Andy said.
When Billy first went on the show, the producers were concerned about his thick Pittsburgh accent. Billy described his voice like a fireman yelling, “Out of the way, fire!” Billy then said an actual sentence in Pittsburgh which neither Conan or anyone else could recognize. “I have a mouth full of marbles,” Billy explained. Melissa then related to Billy’s accent problems with a story. Melissa originally from Chicago moved to New York City years ago. She had a roommate with a friend in theater that told her, “I know someone who can help you.” That was their initial meeting. Eventually, Billy did lose his Pittsburgh accent by speaking slower, but now sounds like he’s reading a book. Conan who grew up in Boston used to sound like President John F. Kennedy at 6 years old. Conan imitated JFK with, “and all to say to you.”
Billy who is also a stand-up comedian inspired Melissa to want to try stand-up. Melissa gave up after 8 months as she would hear the same guy in the comedy club saying, “Show us your boobs!” Melissa was more content when she went to the Duplex downtown to the gay boys because they did not want to see her boobs. Billy replied, “They wanted to see my boobs.”
Billy and Melissa then revealed their jobs before acting and moments they were star struck. Billy used to load up paint pallets at a Zayre warehouse and painted houses. Meanwhile, Melissa used to work at Starbucks and YMCA in Santa Monica, CA. One time in Starbucks, Melissa froze when Chris Farley came in to order coffee. She kept starring at him and suddenly cried. She still wonders today if he kept the coffee or threw it in the garbage. Billy on the other hand was in worse shape when he met Bruce Springsteen in person, as he’s an avid fan. Billy has one qualm with celebrities, to not be a “Hollywood douche.” Billy and Melissa met Bruce when he came to visit the studio during the filming for one of their episodes. When the director told Billy that Bruce was in the studio, Billy started hyperventilating. To try to prevent Billy from passing out, Melissa grabbed her hand and kept telling Billy to focus on her. Then when Billy finally met Bruce, he sounded so stupid in front of him. Billy could barely make out words and made Bruce laugh instead by blurting out, “Please don’t be an asshole, I won’t be able to take it.” Watch Mike & Molly Monday nights at 9 pm on CBS.
Comedic actor Chris Elliot from Eagleheart appeared looking frail. Chris lost about 75 pounds and his show returned Friday at midnight. Chris joked that he lost all that weight from borrowing New Jersey Gov. Chris Christy’s lap band. The way he really lost the weight seemed more farfetched. It began after he chipped his front tooth during the filming of Eagleheart last summer. Chris went to a Rob Lowe look-alike Hollywood dentist who convinced him to cap all of his teeth. Chris chose to have his teeth resemble Clark Gable. Instead, he got Gary Busey’s teeth as he showed Conan a hilarious photograph. With these new teeth Chris couldn’t chew solid food. He then also got into running on the east coast. Chris now runs about 35 miles a day.
Although Chris feels like a new man, his stomach feels depressed. Chris developed a Panniculus, which is when there is flabby skin after quickly losing a lot of weight. Chris decided to show his sagging belly while drawing a sad face on it with a marker. Andy then placed a cigarette in Chris’s belly button and lit it. “You can’t smoke in here,” Conan laughed. Chris after poured a drink into his belly button explaining, “He’s also a degenerate gambler.” After getting alcohol down his pants, Chris turned the frowning face into a smile with his hands. “He feels better now,” Conan said.
Conan then went on to talk about how he is the hidden executive producer of Eagleheart even though he has no involvement. Regardless, Conan loves the shows cartoonish violence. Chris described that this season of Eagleheart was going to be different than past seasons where it is one long story told in ten parts. Instead it is a movie called, Eagleheart: Paradise Rising. Conan then showed a clip from Eagleheart: Paradise Rising where Chris and his friend are fighting a group of thugs in a bar. The scene showed two versions of his friend’s death where the friend first fantasized about a personified female meat grinder and then jumped into it. The second one was where Chris accidentally threw his friend into the meat grinder, instantly tearing him to shreds while blood splat on his face. Catch Eagleheart: Paradise Rising Fridays at midnight on Adult Swim.
Lastly, Malaysian singer-songwriter Yuna performed the song ‘Rescue’ from her new album Nocturnal. Dressed in a glittery gown and covered hair, her music is a nice and soft departure from the densely auto-tuned mainstream music we consistently hear on the radio and TV. Yuna will perform live at the Bootleg Theater in Los Angeles, on Dec. 19, 2013.
Watch Conan weekday nights at 11/10c on TBS.
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