By Anthony Vecchiarello
Last night’s Conan had on former Saturday Night Live cast member Andy Samberg and former Guns N’ Roses guitarist Slash. Slash and Miles Kennedy were set to perform.
Conan O’Brien came onto the floor doing his cat dance while Andy Richter was nowhere to be scene at his podium. Cheers and woos were present. Conan, without hesitation, began discussing the new Apple iPhone. A tech blogger from Oregon, Conan stated, was unlocking his new iPhone OS using his genitals. Conan explained Microsoft’s Bill Gates regrets dropping out of school and teaching people the control, alt, delete buttons. Conan jokingly said in Bill’s words, “A life of failure.”
A Vatican cardinal tweeted, “Jesus was the original tweeter,” Conan said, as he and Andy acknowledged the cardinal’s twelve Twitter followers. Conan added that a republican senator from Texas, Ted Cruz, led an Anti-ObamaCare speech while reading a Dr. Seuss book, Green Eggs and Ham, while also imitating Darth Vader.
The U.S. Post Master General will raise postage rates due to mailing troubles. Ironically, this message, Conan stated, was conveyed by email. A new study showed that farmers are feeding cows with excessive amounts of methane. To lower the levels of methane, Conan added, they will eliminate taco night. Barilla Pasta is being boycotted by gay rights activists, because the company and chairman are against gay marriage. Conan and Andy, using a Brooklyn accent, replied, “The CEO was not comfortable with a guy putting manicotti in his mouth.”
Dog experts claimed an increase with dogs taking the prescription drug Prozac due to depression. Conan said it’s because dogs are now drinking out of toilets. Hamilton College now has an orgasm sex workshop for both male and females starting this Monday. Conan added there are no males in the classroom anymore because they couldn’t hold out till Monday.
Conan then showed a clip of Vince Gilligan, the creator of Breaking Bad, demonstrating his next big project. The next project being walnut dioramas representing the characters from Breaking Bad along with other shenanigans.
Conan then displayed his celebrity digital preferences. Conan has 9 million followers on Twitter, 4 million followers on Google+, 2 million likes on Facebook, 1 million likes on YouTube, and 0 connections on LinkedIn. Reason being, Conan said, “What is LinkedIn?” Conan wanted to conquer LinkedIn by showing his LinkedIn profile. The profile showed under his employment history: Past Temporary Consultant at The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien, Host of The Late Show with Conan O’Brien and a Lighting Designer at Applebee’s International. Conan’s profile also showed an Oscar award for Best Supporting Actress for Michael Clayton, with a photo of Tilda Swinton. Observe the rest of Conan’s LinkedIn profile here
Andy Samburg
Then Andy Samberg arrived. Andy Samberg is now on the Fox TV show Brooklyn Nine-Nine and voices a character in the film Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2, which came out today. Andy Samberg told Conan he got married last weekend. “I finally lost my virginity,” Andy said. After 35 years, Andy realized it was too long to wait, but had five seconds of pure happiness. Andy revealed that Adam Sandler appeared and acted at his wedding just like Donnie Burger from the movie That’s My Boy. Regardless, Andy admitted that Adam Sandler is such a nice guy. When Conan asked if Andy’s family was proud of his success, Andy stated that they are pretty laid-back with that news. They did not care too much that he did SNL for seven years. Andy also said that “Dick in a Box” is “going to be on [his] tombstone.” On Brooklyn Nine Nine Andy Richter made a cameo as a doorman. The show has been receiving great reviews even though Andy Samberg has a hard time not looking into the lens camera. When Andy Samberg was on SNL it was much easier to act out his lines because there were cue cards. On Brooklyn Nine Nine he has to constantly be aware of the cameras because he has to act through the scenes. Andy Samberg’s interest in doing a cop show comes from trying to lean toward an action film career. Andy Samberg than acted out a clichéd scene from an action movie by running and sliding across the floor, ending with an awkward pose smiling into the lens. Conan then showed a clip from Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 where Andy Samberg is the voice of a fat man in a chicken suit. Watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine on Tuesdays 8:30pm on Fox.
Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Slash came out looking like Slash: long curly black hair, long black top hat and black aviator sunglasses. Slash, who breathes cool, visited Conan to promote a horror movie he produced called Nothing Left to Fear. The movie is loosely based off the occult rumors and horrific events that occur in Stull, Ka. Apparently, Slash explained, Stull was a place of witch burnings back in the 1700s and is rumored to be one of the “Gateways to Hell.” Conan then showed a frightening clip from the film of a demonic woman haunting a girl in her bedroom. During the clip, Slash whispered to Conan, “She’s really hot in person.” One of the stars of Nothing Left To Fear, Clancy Brown, who also voices Mr. Krabs on SpongeBob SquarePants, is idolized by Slash. Slash, who loves SpongeBob, also takes his kids to Disneyland every few times a year. Slash said one time he went on the Disney Cruise right after coming out of rehab. “Face your fears,” Slash told Conan. Then Slash shared his signature “Slash Burger” from Umami Burger with Conan, Andy Samberg and Andy Richter. The Slash Burger contains shiitake mushrooms, caramelized onions, American cheese, avocado, wasabi aioli and Parmesan cheese crisp. The burger was originally made in Slash’s kitchen. Conan and the Andys thought it was delicious.
Slash and Miles Kennedy then performed the song titled Nothing Left to Fear from the movie soundtrack. The song was performed as a ballad and played beautifully. Nothing Left to Fear comes out in theaters next Friday, Oct. 4.
Watch Conan next Monday 11/10c on TBS.