By Anthony Vecchiarello
Last night’s Conan, titled, “‘Nurder’ She Wrote Without Proofreading” had Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele, who are both in the sketch comedy series Key & Peele on Comedy Central. Later, he spoke with Charlyne Yi from Knocked UpPaper HeartThis Is 40 and the TV series House. Wavves also performed.
During the hurried excitement about the episode, a man in the audience shouted, “I love you Conan!” Andy Richter thought he said, “I’ll get you Conan,” based on the tone of his voice. A moment after, one of the crewmen, Dave, ran away behind Andy. Conan was trying to figure out what was happening, so he decided to show the replay of Dave running in the back of Andy. Apparently, Dave ran off-camera because he had to sneeze. Due to his mysterious getaway, Conan remarked, “That’s how an assassin behaves.”
In the media, as Conan preached, Russian President Vladimir Putin criticized America in a written appeal to the New York Times. Then he had to take his shirt off and arrest gay people on horseback, Conan explained. Pope Francis stated, “If you are an atheist, God will forgive you.” Conan responded that’s how “two-thousand years of Christianity came to an end.” Wal-Mart’s most popular toy this year is a new Barbie dream house. However, its least popular toy, Conan added, is the twerking Elmo. Also in the news, California has more unplanned pregnancies than any other state in the United States. Conan commented, because they also have the most NBA players. New research has found that there is such a thing as “Male Menopause,” a period of time when men gain a lot of weight and lose their sex drive. Otherwise known as “Football Season,” Conan said. A company has made urinal cakes to test people’s level of alcohol. As long as you don’t miss, Conan said, you won’t be drunk. The Senate panel that is working to protect the media came up with the new official definition for journalism: “A blogger wearing pants,” Conan said. A Los Angeles woman had quintuplets when she was only supposed to have twins. Reason being, Conan stated, the woman kept asking the doctor to hit her. Miley Cyrus was imploring people to ignore her nudity in her new music video. Conan explained that’s what happens to all the child stars.
Then Conan showed a clip of news anchor Julie Chen on The Talk, who said she got plastic surgery to widen her eyes so she can look less Asian and help her career. Conan said that Clint Eastwood commented, “You can do that?” In the clip, there was a “before” photo of Julie. It was an image of Emperor Ming from Flash Gordon. Conan replied, “She didn’t mention the evil beard.”
A Middle Eastern priest paid actress Kristen Stewart $5000 to converse with him. Then Conan and Andy shared a traumatic flashback two months ago, when the same priest spoke and fed them through cages. Politicians are trying to input a U.S. citizenship test which would be used to test if citizens know the country enough to be able to vote. So Conan decided to take the test while Andy read out the questions. The questions started out as normal government information such as “How long is a President’s term?” and then turned into media gossip absurdity ending with topics on Kanye West, Taylor Swift and Star Wars.
Former MADtv cast members Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele made their appearance. Key and Peele situated themselves in the seats from left to right in order of their TV show Key & Peele. Key, who is normally the energetic one, was talking to Andy on the left, while Peele, the calm one on the right, was being interviewed by Conan. Peele admitted that when Key & Peele first started, he thought he was going to get canned because they originally had on Aries Spears – another former MADtv cast member who is also African American. Peele thought that having a TV show starring three African Americans would be too much. Eventually however, Aries left. Key & Peele now in its third season, has already reached up to 300 million hits online. The show, which also has a huge young fan base is starting to cross over to the older generation. Key and Peele explained that the older African American males are their most critical viewers. Key and Peele then acted out a scene where a black male viewer walks away, but continues talking to them about the show. Key imitated the black elders by saying, “Alright young buck. I enjoy the program, but tread lightly.”
Key and Peele both write all of their skits. Their favorite skits are about football. One of their popular sketches refers to the excessive celebration after a football player has scored a touchdown. Key and Peele then got up and started doing a celebration dance, kicking each other’s legs and humping the air. Key then wormed across the floor. Unfortunately, the floor was not carpet like Key thought, but solid concrete. It was only his second time doing the “worm.” Another football sketch that Key and Peele do is about making fun of all the increasingly crazy football player names. Stemming from ‘Ocho Cinco,’ some of the names are now, ‘Morche Lego,’ ‘Terrific Manes II,’ and ‘Barchovious.’ Key and Peele then gave Conan and Andy each Jerseys with their football names, ‘McCringleberry’ for Conan, and ‘Dookmarriot’ for Andy. Conan then displayed a clip from a sequel to their football player names skit called ‘Annual East/West Collegiate Bowl 2013.’ The clip, which went through a list of names that were long and overly unrecognizable, had some such names as ‘Bismo Funyuns,’ ‘Quiznatood Bidness,’ and ‘Cartoons Plural’ and ironically ended with the name, ‘Conan O’Brien.’ Season 3 of Key & Peele premieres next Wednesday at 10 p.m. on Comedy Central.
Stand-up comedian and musician Charlyne Yi humbly made her way across to Conan’s desk. Charlyne began talking about her sign language class that she’s been taking while giving weird and uncomfortable sign language gestures. Charlyne openly stated that students in her class are always looking melancholy and are not as cool as the puppeteers she hangs out with. She continued to describe her puppeteer boss, an angry, 88-year-old man named Bob who won’t stop saying, “Bug Dust.” Andy replied, “It’s what all the cool kids say.” Conan then showed the audience Charlyne’s childhood photo where she is playing with her toys looking serious. Charlyne then took out a recent photo of her doing the same thing, looking glum. Conan then revealed that Charlyne has been having some road rage and problems while driving. First one was when another driver pulled down his window and said, “Hey, baby” to her while kissing the air. Charlyne’s voice got really high as she replied, “Waa, I want some milk.” She then proceeded to follow the driver and act as a baby. Charlyne was also pulled over by a cop when she drove on the carpool lane. She had diarrhea, but still received a ticket because apparently, that is a known common excuse. Andy then told Charlyne she should start campaigning for a “Diarrhea Lane” while acting out what it would look like, waving and smiling to all the vehicles in the other lanes. Conan laughed. Charlyne said she is participating in a big event to raise money for a library. In her time off, she enjoys taking pictures of the sunset.
Musical guest Wavves then performed the song ‘Nine Is God’ from their newest album Afraid of Heights. The song will be featured in the up-and-coming video game Grand Theft Auto 5 set to be released on September 17. The punk style song was performed decently. The musical instruments were well played, but the singer, wearing a ‘Los Santos’ hat, was a bit flat.
The episode ended with a re-showing of the Julie Chen clip and an image of Emperor Ming.
Watch next week when Conan has on Zoey Deschanel and Seth Green. Catch Conan weeknights at 11/10c only on TBS.